Immigrant Apocalypse

(Universal Information Services)

Hazleton, PA's new immigration law has attracted alot of attention. No matter where you stand on this debate, there is do denying that Mayor Lou Barletta put his city on the map. Other cities are jealous and considering how to gin up free PR like Mayor Barletta. These kinds of petty municipal jealousies are threatening to overshadow the very real jealousies that fueled this fire in the first place.

Pro-Anti-Immigrant supporter, Amerigo Vespewchi, who is also the town's barber supports the law and opposes illegal immigrants. "We came first and now they're copying. Our ancestors snuck into this country, stole jobs from the residents, so that's our thing and they want to copy it. No way - they can find their own way, ranted Mr. Vespewchi. Another resident opposed to immigration, Paddy O-Shaughnessy added: "They're even copying the Irish Potato Famine with famines of their own to drum up sympathy. Well, the Irish didn't need any sympathy and didn't get it. We looked after ourselves, went to the pub and drowned in self-pity until we had the numbers to force crooked politicians to give us government jobs. " Many residents support the law because they don't like who supports it, especially with the American Civil Liberties Union, or NAMBLA, defending the immigrants.

Other cities are looking to learn from Hazleton, rather than fight it. Pittsburgh City Councilman and Mayor-Regent, Boots Motznik, is considering a law similar to Hazleton's. "Just because no immigrants are moving here, don't mean they won't. Especially when they get kicked out of Hazleton. We don't want'em coming to Hazelwood. This will be like a pre-meditated strike thing." Cranky Peduto had no comment but his spokesperson Doogie Gilroy released a statement explaining that they would release a statement explaining their position only after the Boy-Mayor so "He won't copy us again." Boy-Mayor Luke Grayson likewise had no comment but his spokesweasel explained: "Of course Luke will listen to Boots' ideas, he always has good ideas, then Boss Dan will make up Luke's mind for him.