Ficus 2007

The race for Mayor of Pittsburgh has taken a new twist now that Ficus has joined the race. Saying that Pittsburgh should have more to choose from than an idiot and an asshole, Ficus sprang a late campaign drive to steal the Mayoral thunder from Mayor-by-Other's Misfortune Luke Ravensteal and from coy challenger Mark "Denial ain't just a Gypo River" DeSanitize.

A Ficus spokeswoman who identified herself only as "Sue" from Plantscape, said that Ficus would obviously run on the Green ticket and offered a better choice than the Dumbocratic or Republicrooked candiates. Ficus relocated to Pittsburgh following devastating defeats in 24 congressional campaigns in 2000 (http://www.commondreams.org/headlines/060100-02.htm). According to Ms. Sue, Ficus came to Pittsburgh to get "grounded" after the 2000 campaign, and that Ficus has "grown" since those campaigns and now can offer both Bite and Bark. Neither Sue nor Ficus would comment on the candidate's ties to left-wing provocateur Michael Moore.