The dog wags back!

A sometimes funny, somtimes angry, but mostly progressive, blog on the politics and issues of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and America.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Revitalize Pittsburgh

Mayor Luke Ravensteal announced his new Mayor Luke Ravensteal's Youth Pittsburgh Initiative (YouPI). Mayor Luke Ravensteal announced the new plan based on recommendations from a team of consultants. "Twanda had some really good researchers looking for a project and I needed to find a new vision for Pittsburgh, so it really kinda worked out pretty cool," said the Boy Blunder. The consultants benchmarked Pittsburgh against "many" other cities, including Atlanta, and determined that the cool, growing cities all had much higher traffic congestion.

The consultants study found that: "Traffice [sic] congestion is positively associable [sic] with increased growulation [sic]." As a result, Mayor Luke Ravensteal has ordered the Department of Public Works to coordinate with County and State authorities to increase traffic congestion.

"We've always tried to shut down main corridors and alternate routes at the same time, but with political pressure and limited resources, we never really could," said city Works Czar, Guy "Cash 'N Carry" Costa. Now with Mayor Luke Ravensteal's directive under the Mayor Luke Ravensteal Youth Pittsburgh Initiative, the City has the authority to really cause some congestion. Public Works has secretly been testing the plan for months. "We reduced the Parkway East to one lane, then we started work on the Boulevard (of the Allies), Forbes, combined with some Second Avenue lane restrictions and the work on the Hot Metal, Birmingham and Grays Bridges and we really shut down the East End," reported an anonymous source within the City. Preliminary reports on the success of the plan are pending the consultants update.