Sidney Scores!

(International Infotainment)

Sidney Crosby a healthy scratch for last night's game against the Rangers still managed to score a hat trick while sitting in the owner's box. "Actually, that last goal came while I was in the bathroom," reported Sid the Kid. The Ranger's Jaromir Jagr deadpanned, " He really is a Whiz Kid."

While the fans peppered the ice with hats, the traditional hat trick salute, the NHL decided to just award him the Hart Trophy now. "They will still have to play for the Stanley Cup, but come on, when a guy scores off the ice like this, you gotta him his props," said Commissioner Gary Bettman. Vincent Lecavalier and Joe Thornton, who believe they still have a chance for the Hart Trophy say the move is all about boosting TV ratings.

Mayor Luke was in New York washing Ron Burkle's car in exchange for a $20 campaign contribution and was unavailable for comment. Chief Elf, Yarone Zober (real name), issued a statement saying the Mayor was not comfortable releasing anything that might reveal his campaign strategy.